Stop Drop And Roll

When something triggers our anxiety or we feel flooded with emotion, it may be helpful to act like we’re on fire. What do I mean by this? I mean we need to: Stop. Drop. & Roll. If you see a fire in the house, your anxiety might tell you to immediately run out the door, find a bucket of water, or you may get so overwhelmed that you run around flailing your arms in the air. While some of these options could be a solution, the best thing to do if your shirt is on fire, for example, may be to put that fire out first, then deal with the bigger issue. This is why as kids, we’re taught to stop, drop, and roll if we ever catch on fire.

This can be a helpful metaphor for thinking about emotions and in this post we use the phrase “Stop Drop and Roll” as a metaphor to talk about dealing with powerful and overwhelming emotions. (This is not a post on fire safety and protocol.) That said, when it comes to our emotions, using the wisdom of Stop Drop and Roll can be an important first thing to do. When we feel overwhelmed, experience big emotions, and everything feels like its metaphorically on fire, instead of reacting right away, it can help to Stop, Drop, & Roll. This is why when we work with teens in our Yorba Linda therapy office or through telehealth video therapy appointments, we often teach them this idea early on in our work together. Keep reading for some advice on how to help put this approach into action when you or your teen feels anxious, overwhelmed, or overcome with strong emotions.

First, try to STOP. Hit the pause button and pay attention to how you are feeling before you react. A great way to identify your emotion is to pay attention to your body. Ask yourself: Is my heart beating fast? Do I feel like I’m going to throw up or pass out? Do I have energy or am I really tired? Can I not stop smiling? Do I just want to sing? Or is there a pit in my stomach and sweat on my palms? What is this all telling me about my emotional state right now? Reading the physical signals our bodies send us is a great way to learn more about how we’re feeling. So when you feel strongly in some way, hit the pause button. Maybe this looks like waiting to respond to a text message. Maybe it looks like telling your partner you need to step away to get a drink of water before carrying on a conversation so you have a moment to collect yourself and pay attention to how you’re feeling before you try to explain yourself. Maybe you say something like, “Let me think about it for a minute” and then you spend a moment or two reading your emotions. If you notice that your emotions feel out of control, then it may be helpful to STOP. Press pause and pay attention to what your body is telling you before you move forward.  

Next it’s important to DROP. Sometimes we need to drop our initial emotion because it’s blocking a deeper emotion underneath. This happens a lot with anger. Often times we feel angry when someone has upset us and all we want to do is scream at them or get revenge. But before you do that, ask yourself, “What’s underneath my anger?” Am I hurt that my friend didn’t invite me to hang out with the group? Am I sad? Confused? Embarrassed? Afraid? Feeling angry is not a bad thing, it is an important emotion because it is powerful and it tells us something is wrong. But anger is often a sign we are also feeling something else. So the more you can fine tune what you’re feeling, the more you can act in a productive way. I’m feeling angry because I’m let down and sad. Or I’m feeling angry because I’m embarrassed! Or I’m really afraid. Ask yourself, “What else am I feeling?” Then decide if you need to DROP the anger, at least for a moment, in order to address the deeper issue. Work to communicate how you are feeling underneath the anger, before you let your anger loose on another person.

And finally, ROLL. After you have identified your emotion, try not to react automatically, but see if you can intentionally decide how you’d like to respond. When we react to how we’re feeling, we often get ourselves into trouble – reacting looks like declaring a friendship is over when you feel hurt and excluded as if you aren’t important; it looks like yelling at your mom when she makes you angry or sending a cruel text to a friend after he’s hurt you. Instead of reacting right away, try to roll with your emotion first until you’ve gotten a better read on it and maybe even calmed down, and only after you have identified and named your feeling, then try to take the time to roll forward and respond in a way that feels true to you and in line with your values.

If you or your teen are struggling to navigate big emotions, it could be time to ask for help. One of our therapists would love to work with you or your teen for an in person appointment in our Yorba Linda therapy office, or through video for a telehealth video therapy appointment. We invite you to give us a call so we can talk about whether or not therapy could help. We’d be happy to listen to what’s been going on during a free phone consultation, and will give you honest feedback about whether or not we think we can help. If you’d like to do so, get in touch with us today.

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